Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique

Music is affecting me more than usual. I mean, I can feel the blast of synapse firing - I'd light up an MRI scan like a Christmas tree. I've been watching Austin City limits again and was brought to tears a few months ago by the beginning of the Avett Brothers performance. Sometimes a song will come on my ipod while I'm running and destroy me. I'll sprint until I drop. Lately it has been either Ambling Alp or Don't Let Me Fall and anything by The Clash. I have to be careful about my play lists. I was supposed to read 'Musicohpilia' in my book club last year but I got sidetracked by my own goings-on. The book is about the incredible effect music has on the brain and about how this phenomenon is uniquely human. Though not well received by the ladies in my club, maybe I should actually read it or at least something else by the author. I wonder if this new sensation is because my heart is so open and raw these days. So hopeful for and terrified of love. Probably why I started swimming. I swam in Cayuga Lake everyday last year until I couldn't any longer. The water gets pretty cold come October so I then I began running. I hate running - every second of it. I think about swimming, I think about having a drink (or five) when I'm done, I think about how much I hate running. So, the heartache led to the swimming which led to the running which led to the music and now I'm a walking around with my deep sonic sensitivity on my sleeve. In a way all this exercise is paying off. I am stronger both physically and emotionally because of my new found sportiness. I have also been asked to swim as part of a relay triathlon team this summer. And all this moving keeps me moving in a fantastic cycle. I hear music; I move, I dance no matter where I am. I'm spellbound. It is all very good but also a little alarming. Hello new emotive Vanessa. Nice to meet you.

4 comments:

  1. Go, you! I still find being emotive, and emotions in general, challenging. Vulnerability does not come naturally to me. Glad to hear that someone else is making progress though!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I listen to my mp3 player on my bike all the time, and it is quite frequent that I will nearly burst into tears of joy when the right song comes on at the right time.

    It's always a joy to learn more about you Vanessa! Thanks for sharing, be well, and much love!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have this love-hate thing with getting emotional over music. I diss my former self for all the obsessive listening to Marshall Crenshaw (or whoever) singing lovelorn songs, but now I realize that those are the best songs, and the most in sheer numbers of songs, because heartbreak (in pop music, as in poetry) speaks to something true and universal. Which must explain why I love certain good examples of country music and just about anything a girl group ever recorded... For the record, being in touch with, rather than in denial of, your emotions is a good and laudable thing. You go, V. The risk is often worth it, especially when the fear falls away ... Cry me a river and Try, try again...

    ReplyDelete
  4. you should definitely read the oliver sacks! it's super interesting and easy to read. i am gonna make you a mix tape and send it to you and then you can tell me how it makes you feel - i miss you!! XO

    ReplyDelete